Community,  Theology

What a singles group SHOULD be…

My church does not have a singles group, and to be honest, I don’t think I would fit in with a church that had a typical singles group. Why? Well, churches tend to see singles groups as meet and greets. They’re almost like the dance clubs of the Christian world. Yeah…I don’t do so well in that kind of setting. However, I’m beginning to wonder if maybe a singles group would indeed be a good thing for me. But not the typical singles group – I’m not trying to link up with someone – I’m talking about a singles group based on giving each other the support they need.

Let me elaborate a little further. It is tough being single. Like many other single Christians my age, I’ve loved and lost a few times, and that’s a few times too many. I’ve felt lonliness like no man should ever feel, and I’ve cried myself to sleep more than once because of said lonliness. There’s no guaranetee that I will ever find the right woman. There’s no guarantee that I’ll become a father. I may very well die alone. With no wife, no kids, and maybe no one at my funeral. Well, misery loves company, but even more so – what better people to hang out with, than those who deal with the same, for lack of a better word, issues. And I say for lack of a better word because some people don’t really see being single as being an issue, problem, or any other type of negativity. Some people see singlehood as just the life they lead. I’m not sure if I’m one of those people, but I certiainly would rather be single than married to the wrong person. But I digress.

My point is this: Singles groups should never be about introducing the single men and women to eachother. Singles group should be about a community of people who have the same life circumstance – ie the fact that they are single. Singles groups should focus on the issues that come with a single’s life, like Men’s groups or woman’s groups or family groups or any other groups. Singlehood is NOT a disease, its just the way some of us happen to be. And while some of us may eventually find ourselves in a different circumstance, some of us will indeed be single for the rest of our lives. Knock on wood that I’m in the former group and not the latter, but if I am in the latter group, I want to be surrounded by the people who can offer me the support and help I need, just as I give them the support and help they need.

I'm Aaron, and I am the owner of this site.


  • Heather

    I totally agree. I don’t want a singles group that feels like a meat market and I don’t want to join one to “find a husband”. I want to join one that has people like me, that need someone to hang out with that isn’t tied down with spouse and kids. People that are going through the same issues and understand what it’s like. I’m an unmarried Christian in my 30’s, a minority. It’s getting harder and harder to find them. In my old church singles group there was a rule, no asking others out unless you’ve known them in the group setting for several months. That made it nice and takes the pressure off, really focuses on friends first which I think makes for a successful relationship.

  • kimberly

    I agree, what a great idea. Being single isn’t a disease and it really helps to know you are not alone. Even though I am dating now, I know that feeling of lonliness and the fear of dying alone. What a great idea you have! Maybe you should start one at your church.

  • rebekah

    Aaron that’s brilliant…certainly there is no other population that needs the “family of God” to be a real family. Thanks for this.

  • Rachel Hommel

    I don’t know… “singles” is sorta close to “shingles”, which IS in fact a disease… just sayin’.