• History,  Humor,  Other writings,  Science Fiction,  short fiction

    Brain Damage Related to Time Travel. A found document.

    I found a document in my files today. I really don’t know where it came from. It appears to be a report from the future. Weird! Read it for yourself…. Historic document: 2068.7.21 Subject: Brain damage related to time travel In the late 2050s, time travel not only became a possibility, but also available to a consumer level. This caused several problems of course, but one curious problem was that of the brain damaged time traveler. 1 in 350 consumer time travelers would come back from their trips with brain injuries. This never happened in purely scientific travels, even though the technology was similar enough that there should not have…

  • General geekiness,  Humor,  Pointless rants

    The best stuff ever! Part one….

    Stuff! Stuff is cool! Stuff is good! Stuff is awesome! Well, maybe not all stuff. But a lot of stuff is cool and awesome and good! And some stuff is cooler and awesome-er and uhhh good-er. Wait, that’s not how you say that! Better! Better! Holy crap better! But I digress. Some stuff is better than other stuff. So what’s the best stuff though? What’s the cream of the crop as far as stuff goes? Well, I’ll tell you darnit! I’ll tell you right now!!!!! Sit down, because sonny boy or girl, you’re about to get schooled with the best stuff ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Coast Yes, the coast! It’s calming, it’s…

  • Humor,  Memories,  Other writings,  Social Commentary

    What should one wear to the hospital?

    As many of my readers know, my mom has been in the hospital and at one point it didn’t look like she was going to make it. While she’s on the up now, she’s got a long road ahead – even now. If that wasn’t stressful enough, I’ve found myself putting a lot more stock in an everyday question. Every time I’ve gone to visit her, I’ve asked myself “what do I wear?” Let me step back….I have a lot of t-shirts, and unless I’m working – I tend to default to said t-shirts. I love my polos I wear to work, but they all seem so plain when I…

  • animals,  General geekiness,  Humor

    The ten most awesome sharks ever!

    Sharks. Holy crap, they’re cool. Fish that are often times huge, evolved to kill anything and everything in their paths with their teeth of justice! Ok, ok, some of them are actually pretty tame, but I think it says a lot about them that their gentle cousins, the Rays, actually killed Steve Irwin. I mean, the dude wrestled freaking crocodiles, and yet a freaking sting ray killed him. Yeah….ok, ok, maybe that’s just circular logic, but dangit, sharks are cool and it’s shark week darnit!!! So to honor this festive time, here’s my list of the ten most awesome sharks ever! 10. Great White Shark – This is, without a…

  • Humor,  Memories

    The best April Fool’s gag ever played on me

    I love April Fool’s day.  And it’s only gotten better with the rise of the internet. You have Think Geek’s phony products, reddit’s annual prank, Google, Netflix….they all seem to be in on the April Fool’s merriment. There’s also the individual pranks. This year in Dead Memories Portland, I convinced a good portion of the group that they would discontinue selling Best Food’s Mayonaise in favor of selling Hellman’s nationwide. Some were exhuberant, some not so. I’m pretty sure there’s some that still don’t know it’s a joke. There’s also the string of silly pranks – tape on the bottom of a coworker’s optical mouse, or maybe a fake roach…

  • Humor,  short fiction

    Larry the Happy, Homicidal Squirrel

    As with the tradition of the last few years, I’ve once more written a story in the spirit of Halloween. So, without further adiue, I bring you the adventures of Larry the Happy Squirrel in Happyville. Happy Halloween, and enjoy. ——————————– It was a peaceful day in Happyville. The sun was shining, the flowers were singing, the trees were swaying, and everyone was happy. After all, this was Happyville. Wait, wait, there is no such place as Happyville! Well, there isn’t now…for on that very day Happyville ceased to exist. Like I was saying, Happyville was a happy place for happy people with happy lives and happy jobs, happy families,….even…

  • Humor,  Memories,  Other writings

    The toys on the bus goes round, round, round…

    It was an average day on a Portland bus, or so I thought. But as I boarded the 4 headed downtown, I found that it was hardly an average day. I took my seat towards the front of the bus, and noticed my fellow passengers all seemed to have a wide range of facial expressions. I saw disgust, I saw delight, I saw disturbance, dumbfoundedness, and in one passenger’s eyes, I even saw a bit of desire. It was quite the array of emotions. Despite the smorgasbord of emotions, not one of them seemed to have a look of disinterest. For on the floor, rolling all over the bus, was…

  • Humor,  Pointless rants,  Portland,  Social Commentary

    The Slug Bug is dead! Long live the Smug Bug!

    Back in the 80s, the Volkswagen beetle was as common as a can of new Coke, the phrase “totally radical” or a pair of Esprit jeans. Combine the VW Bug’s popularity with the iconic and easily spotted shape, and it was the perfect car for a road game. The rules of this game varied from family to family – some played “slug bug” (or punch buggy), where siblings were encouraged to punch each other as hard as they could whenever they spotted a VW Bug. My family liked to play “Herbie,” where it was a contest to see who could spot the most. I suspect this was because I was…

  • Humor,  Other writings,  Politics,  Rough Drafts,  short fiction,  Social Commentary

    American (Voting) Horror Story

    Note: This is a fictional account of voting in North Carolina. The state was chosen as a state that is far away from Oregon and does not have the vote by mail system we have in Oregon. The author has not, nor does he ever, have plans on moving to North Carolina. I also want to add, if anyone from North Carolina reads this and finds my portrayal of your state offensive, perhaps we can open a dialogue about it. Really, I played a lot of stereotypes here, and I don’t know how many are actually true. So yeah – let’s chat! It was a foggy October morning. I had…

  • Humor,  Movies and Film,  Social Commentary,  Television

    Caesar commands you to laugh!

    Spend as much time on the Internet as I do, and you’ll notice that the planet has a bunch of bored people pretending they’re Caesar. They sit on their thrones stoically. They look down at their art and/or entertainment choices as though said choices were Gladiator matches. After they’re done with said A&E choices, these quasi-Roman emperors either give a thumbs up, or a thumbs down. Before I get too far into this metaphor, I will say that everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions. However, in the information age (do we still use that phrase?) our opinions, especially shared on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, et al, can make or break…