Comics and Graphic Novels,  General geekiness,  Humor

Oh dear, the Hulk’s mad! What do we do?

The Hulk is unstoppable. When he gets mad, he goes on a rampage. He’s destroyed Las Vegas, conquered a foreign planet, and brought an invading fleet of aliens to destroy Earth – all because someone ticked him off. And trying to stop him? Well, good luck with that! But there are a few people who might be able to stop him. So who are these brave candidates? Who can send the Hulk away with his tale between his legs? Who is our only hope if the Hulk decides to go nuclear once more?

Let’s start with Mr Rogers. Yes, yes I said Mr freaking Rogers of the kids TV show. No, its not his arsenal of nuclear sweaters that will make the Hulk run home to his mommy. Mr Rogers can possibly beat the Hulk because of one main consideration: Mr Rogers defeated everyone in Lemon Demon’s “The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.” But wait, the Hulk wasn’t in that! No, true, the Hulk was not in that specific song, but Doc Octopus from the Marvel Universe was, therefore it is indeed possible that the entire Marvel Universe was involved. Still, its possible the entire Marvel Universe was not involved. If that’s the case, well sorry Mr Rogers, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to wear a sweater again.

Our next candidate is Black Canary from the DC Universe. For clarification sake, I am talking about Dinah Laurel Lance, not Dinah Drake. The reason that it is possible for Black Canary to best the Hulk is because of her Sonic Cry. Said cry can pretty much knock anyone down, and she has the Martial Arts skills to beat the Hulk up while he’s down. Still, there’s no guarantee that her cry could indeed knock the Hulk down, so if she were to try, well, the Hulk might just have roasted Canary for dinner.

A third, and probably most likely candidate to best the Hulk is Superman. Ah yes, the man of steel. Nothing short of Kryptonite itself can keep Superman down. In fact, Superman DID beat the Hulk. Yes, in DC vs Marvel, Superman beat the Hulk! Still, there is the fact that the Hulk had no real motivation for beating Superman. The Hulk was not mad at Superman. The Hulk was matched against Superman by the two squabbling brothers. If Superman had, say, launched the Hulk into outer space, THEN the battle of Superman vs The Hulk might just have gone another way! Yes, if that were the situation, the best that Superman could hope to achieve is a stalemate. All of Earth destroyed, while the two indestructibles battle it out with each other. And that would be too much for Superman’s conscious, so Superman, in order to save the rest of the Earth, would indeed concede to the Hulk.

So how about someone from the Marvel Universe itself? There’s the Scarlett Witch, who has the ability to change reality. Certainly someone who almost wipes out the entire Mutant race because of a nervous breakdown could take down one measly, over-radiated man. Or what about Domino? She’s got the mutant power to manipulate chance into her favor. She could probably (see?) manipulate the situation to her favor and defeat the Hulk. Ok, let’s stop right there. Both these characters are in the Marvel Universe along with the Hulk. If there was indeed a chance that either character were to beat the Hulk, I think they would have already done it! Instead, they both sit around, powerless, when the Hulk goes on a murderous rampage and threatens to destroy the Earth. Instead, the only way the Hulk can be defeated is for Tony Stark to calmly tell the Hulk the truth while trying not to wet himself as the Hulk ponders whether or not to rip Tony’s head off.

Ok, so who can beat the Hulk then? Anyone? Well, yes. The winner is: THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!!! Specifically Bubbles. Yes, of all the superheroes in all the universe, she is our only hope. Why? The Hulk is powered by his anger. His strength grows as his rage grows. What’s going to make the Hulk mad? Well, someone trying to pound the snot out of him for one thing. But that’s not the direction Bubbles would take. Bubbles would give the Hulk flowers and sing pretty songs to him. Maybe make a cup of hot tea and set him down and give him a hug. Yes, the Hulk could not stand against Bubbles, because by the time Bubbles was through with the Hulk, he would be Bruce Banner once more. And she’s tough too, so she could take being tossed across the room a few times while she’s trying to calm him down.

So lesson learned! If there’s a rift in the time-space contium and the Hulk pops out of universe 616, all we have to do is figure out what universe The Powerpuff Girls live in, and volia! Bubbles to the rescue! Of course, what if we can’t find Bubbles in time? My best advice is hide in a cave in the middle of nowhere. Cause the Hulk is mad, and he’s going to mess us all up!

I'm Aaron, and I am the owner of this site.


  • Nikki

    Good choice with Bubbles. Blossom would try to order him around, Buttercup would just tell him he’s being stupid, but Bubbles would bring him a drawing of flowers! Who can stand up to that? No one, that’s who.

  • Aaron

    Good things come to those that wait. And besides, if you needed a dictionary to read the first paragraph of this article, maybe you need to go back to school. It really is not that difficult.