Should I watch this Shark movie?

Shark movies - bringing the terror of the deep sea to your living room! If you know me, you know I love sharks. One of my favorite things about summer – almost every year there seems to be at least one good shark movie. This year’s movie, Meg, looks particularly exciting. Every scientific fact I know says the premise could never be. Still – I kind of hope we find that Megalodon exists somewhere. I know that we don’t really want it circling our beaches. Even though sharks don’t actually like eating humans, they sometimes get confused. No if Megalodon exists – probably best that it exists in a deep cove in the middle of the ocean. But I digress. The point of this article – there are a lot of shark movies! Some of them are good, some of them are – not so good. So, as a community service, I shall give my opinion of several shark movies. That way you will know which movies are worth watching, and which movies you should just skip over.

Jaws

We all know Jaws – it may have been the very first blockbuster. It gave Steven Spielberg a blank check to pretty much do whatever he wants, and that alone makes me think that Jaws might be the king of the shark movies. I watched Jaws a few years back, thinking this movie will have aged. However – while Jaws certainly does not have the best special effects, the writing is still solid. Besides, who could forget the line…we’re going to need a bigger boat?

TL:DR Watch Jaws!

Deep Blue Sea

I have no idea if I watched Deep Blue Sea when it came out. Looking at the era, it certainly is possible. I saw a lot of movies in the late 90s. Still – I might have said…that looks too scary. Yeah – I was kind of a chicken when it came to even remotely scary movies. But I digress. I watched Deep Blue Sea last week, and I enjoyed the movie. However, I would not watch it again as honestly – it really wasn’t that great of a movie. Still – Deep Blue Sea has its good points. Deep Blue Sea certainly keeps you guessing who will live and who will die. This is essential to any shark movie. The writing was a bit wooden – but oh well – giant mutant sharks trap the humans underwater. Why not?

TL:DR Watch Deep Blue Sea – but don’t expect a serious film.

Sharknado

I used to love the Asylum – then they made Sharknado. Somehow, Sharknado got a ton of buzz and everyone was like….yeah, I want to watch it. Then they made – what – twenty sequels? Each and every sequel was even more ridiculous. I don’t mind if a movie is intentionally bad, but I feel like the Asylum ran with the popularity of Sharknado to see how bad they could get. As far as the movie itself – it really is not that great of a movie – even for a bad, B movie. I kind of felt let down after watching Sharknado. The concept itself is great! But the execution just failed miserably.

TL:DR Don’t watch Sharknado

Shark Night

A bunch of college students go to a cabin and meet a bunch of sharks. Like – ALL the sharks. There were hammerheads and bull sharks and tiger sharks and pretty much every non-extinct shark you could name. Shark Night serves a smorgasborge for all your man-eating shark movie needs! Shark Night certinaly did not take itself too seriously mind you. The tone was almost comedic, and no one expected any accolades. Shark Night was just a lot of dumb, mindless fun.

TL:DR Watch Shark Night! Shark Night is fun!

47 Meters Down

My girlfriend loves Mandy Moore and I love shark movies – so of course we had to see 47 Meters Down. I even have a photo of myself getting “eaten” by a giant, cardboard shark advertising the movie. Did I love this movie? Meh – it was ok. I feel like 47 Meters Down felt like it tried to be too serious. The movie tried to show what a lack of oxygen in shark infested waters might do to a person. To be fair – 47 Meters Down serves a great suspense thriller – but just because the movie takes place mostly underwater, that does not mean the movie must be “deep.”

TL:DR Meh – watch 47 Meters Down anyways.

The Shallows

Swoooon. I love this movie. I love The Shallows sooooo much that I will probably watch this movie again after I finish writing about this movie. The Shallows really shows the audience that drama and shark movies can co-habitate. The movie focuses on a surfer trapped 200 meters offshore with an angry, vicious great white pining to end her life. The surfer’s injuries bleed into the water, only feeding the shark’s rage even more. Wow. Just wow. This film might be the best Shark movie ever.

TL:DR Watch The Shallows! Watch it twice!

2-Headed Shark Attack

A year before Sharknado, the Asylum released probably their best shark movie. A group of teens encounters an unnatural predator in a hungry, viscous, 2-Headed shark. The teens escape to a deserted atoll, only to find their island of safety is sinking and the 2-headed shark followed them. The acting is bad, the props are ridiculous, and the plot really stinks. Still 2-Headed Shark Attack shows the best of the Asylum. 2-Headed Shark shows a bad movie with a small budget that just does not take itself too seriously.

TL:DR Watch 2-Headed shark if you like cheesy B movies. Stay clear of the two sequels though.

Finding Nemo

Wait a minute – Finding Nemo isn’t a shark movie. Finding Nemo is about a clown fish and Blue Tang fish trying to find Nemo. But wait….do you not remember some of their buddies? The Sharks sworn to the oath – fish are friends, not food? OK, ok, so Finding Nemo as a shark movie might be – nay – is a huge stretch, however, I feel as though Finding Nemo serves as a decent palette cleanser. You just witnessed a bunch of carnage at the hand, err, Jaws, of some of nature’s most vicious killing machines. You need this! Besides – sharks really are friends. Most sharks attack humans not out of hunger or even malice (bull sharks being an exception). Most sharks attack humans out of – well – accident. They think you’re food, yes, but they don’t think you’re human. They actually don’t like the way we taste.

TL:DR Watch Finding Nemo as a palette cleanser.

So many other shark movies.

There are other shark movies I skipped over: Ghost Shark, the Reef, Jersey Shore Sharks, Open Water et cetera. Omission by no means says anything negative or positive about these movies. I just have not seen every shark movie. I mean, I am only one man with a finite amount of time. Maybe by next summer I’ll review a few more. I will say that if a shark movie is a sequel, a good rule of thumb: skip it. There are a few exceptions mind you – but Open Water 2, Sharknado 2, Deep Ocean 2, Deep Blue Sea 2, and the like – meh. You’ve got better use of your time.