One late March night in 2020, Dr. Frank N Stein pondered what the great minds of history might do about the current state of the world. What would Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Marie Currie, or Winston Churchill do about Covid-19? Would Lincoln and Churchill provide the leadership we need to face this novel virus? Would Currie and Einstein put their massive intellects together to find a cure? Dr. Stein pondered and realized…maybe, just maybe…he could find out exactly what Lincoln, Churchill, Einstien, and Currie might do.
You see, Dr. Stein was not just any doctor. Dr. Stein was a bit of a mad scientist. He cloned the brains of mice and sheep. He found that putting a cloned brain of these animals in a fresh corpse can actually reanimate the corpse. He had never tried the process on humans, but why not try? Desperate times call for desperate measures after all.
Dr. Stein set out to get the proper materials. First, he needed a bit of brain matter from the four deceased historical figures. This task proved surprisingly easy as Dr. Stein had connections in just the right places. The cadavers, well, they were not so easy to get. Turns out finding a healthy corpse is a lot harder than one might expect. There’s a reason those people are dead after all. So, Dr. Stein, in the name of science, decided he would have to sacrifice a few healthy young people. Scouting a local community college, he found four perfect specimens. Physically fit with hardly any close ties. When they disappeared, the four students wouldn’t be missed.
The cloning process takes a few months, so Dr. Stein decided to let the four eventual victims roam free until he needed their healthy bodies. Let them have their fun, they’re not going to be with us much longer, they might as well enjoy themselves. But one day, heck, he even sent them all anonymous checks for $5000 dollars each. He called it a fee for goods to be collected. Sure, five grand isn’t a lot of money for the life of a young, healthy individual, but they didn’t have a lot of time to spend the money, so Dr. Stein felt justified in the low ball offer.
In mid-July, Dr. Stein confirmed the brains were ready for transplant. It was time to do what had to be done. It was time to collect the goods. Dr. Stein tranquilized the four students, dragged them to his lab, and while they were anesthetized, he sawed into their skulls and ripped out their brains. In any other circumstance, this might seem a brutal method in which to kill. However, to kill the subjects in any other manner might damage the valuable tissue after all. But the brains? No, future hosts wouldn’t need their brains.
For a few days after the fusing of the corpses with the cloned brains, the historical figures were pretty serene. They didn’t talk, save for small, simple sentences. They only ate and slept. Lincoln liked to watch TV. Einstein liked to watch the fish tank. Currie and Churchill oftentimes played with Stein’s cats, but Churchill cried whenever the cats hissed at him. Stein’s dogs had to be kept outside because they kept chewing on Einstein’s leg.
This state of almost no continence continued for a couple weeks, and Stein feared his experiment was a bust. He killed those four young people for nothing. Well, not for nothing. For science! That’s what he told himself as he cried himself to sleep. However, one morning in early August, Lincoln spoke.
“Why what, Lincoln?” Dr Stein replied.”
“Why did you do this to us?”
“Yes why?” Currie responded.
“What did you do to us?” Churchill added, while Einstein looked on, disapproving.
It was clear, the historical figures were self-aware.
Dr. Frank N Stein explained the state of the world. How an awful virus had swept the world, and how there was a lack of leadership in the United States. How he hoped the minds of two great leaders and two great scientists could possibly help find solutions.
“That’s bull schist!” Einstein remarked. The four historical figures pushed Dr. Stein to the ground and stormed out the door. Stein tried to follow, but he lost their trail quickly.
In mid-October, reports of a serial killer preying on people currently experiencing homelessness hit the news. The serial killer chomped the face of their victim and left them suffering and leading to death. Eyewitness accounts told of four different individuals. Rumors of a bizarre cannibal cult sprung up. Authorities neither confirmed nor denied the four individuals were working together, but considering the modus operandi, it was likely the crimes were related.
Stein watched the news and knew this was his doing. These monsters of history he created were turning to murder. Maybe they did this because they didn’t know any better. Their cloned brains might not have developed the difference between right and wrong. Maybe the reanimated historical figures had something inside them, telling them to eat the faces of others. Maybe they were just monsters. Regardless, something had to be done.
Stein already had a plan in action, in the event he needed to collect and/or kill his reanimated monsters of history. Dr. Stein had cloned other brains, brains of some of history’s most notorious villains. Stalin, Hitler, Vlad the Impaler, and Pol Pot. As soon as the first group had escaped, he had implanted the brains into four fresh bodies. With this batch, Dr. Stein also implanted a device in each villain’s cerebral cortex. It would shock them if they did something wrong. And if Dr. Stein needed to, he could give the villain a lethal shock. In retrospect, Stein should have installed these devices into the first four historical figures, but hindsight is 20/20.
Stein set the four free as soon as they started becoming self-aware. But the four didn’t want to do anything. Vlad sat around drinking beer, while Pol Pot kept trying to gnaw on his own arm. Stalin was the most cognitive – though he spent most of his time debating with invisible friends. Hitler, he was the worse and the dumbest. He spent all day hitting his head against the wall. Over and over. Hitler would say “Ow!” then he’d giggle for five minutes and hit his head against the wall again. Sometimes Stalin would smack Hitler across the face. Dr. Stein knew he should stop Stalin but come on! Would you stop someone from smacking Hitler?
Dr. Stein realized these four monsters would not be able to help, so he did what he had to do. First Pol Pot, then Stalin, and then Vlad. He toyed with keeping Hitler in a cage. After all, it was fun to watch Hitler hurt himself over and over again. But then Stein’s dogs intervened. They got inside the house and chewed Hitler’s legs off. One of the dogs humped Hitler’s face to show dominance. Even the cats got in on the action, scratching Hitler up. By the time it was all over, Hitler was a tattered mess, and all he could say is “Hitler feel sad!” Dr. Stein tried to give Hitler a fatal shock, but the device had been damaged by either the dogs, Stalin’s smacks, or maybe Hitler himself. Whatever, more than one way to skin a cat. Dr. Stein took a shotgun and blew Hitler’s brains all over his cage. That’s when Dr. Stein knew what had to be done. He had to shoot the monsters of history, preferably in the head. So, he set out to find the four.
Einstein and Currie were easy to find. They liked to hang out at the local universities. Sometimes they’d even sit in on classes. Dr. Stein waited for just the right moment and was able to get both of the great scientists at the same time. Two shots, one for Currie and one for Einstien.
Churchill was harder to find, but Dr. Stein heard of a British guy who had been kicked out of pretty much every pub in town for not paying. Dr. Stein decided to wait outside one pub this British guy hadn’t been seen at. After three nights, Churchill showed up and Dr. Stein Shot him in the back of the head before running off into the night.
Lincoln left no trail and ate fewer brains than the other monsters of history. Stein searched for weeks but found nothing. But as fate would have it, Lincoln found Dr. Stein. On October 15th, at just past midnight, Lincoln knocked on Dr. Stein’s door. Dr. Stein looked through the keyhole and shuddered as he answered the knock.
“I know you killed the others, and I don’t blame you.” Lincoln said. “I also know you think you need to kill me, but maybe we can talk this out.”
“I’m listening” answered a reluctant Dr. Stein.
“I feed less than the others. I also know you’re smart enough to find a way so I don’t have to feed on the living.”
“I’d have to lock you up, until I do.”
“I understand. You can’t trust me. Still, I’m fucking Abraham Lincoln after all. I’m the greatest president this country has ever seen.”
“Do you have a compromise?”
“Lock me in a room. Make sure I have the proper amenities. A toilet, a bed, water. A TV would be nice as well.”
“What if you need to feed?”
“Well, then, we’re going to have a problem. You should probably work fast.”
A few weeks went by to no avail. Lincoln was getting hungry, and something desperate would have to happen. Dr. Stein had the idea of using a live pig to feed Lincoln.
“This, this actually satisfies me. I think you found the solution.”
“Great! And I think you’ve proven that you can be trusted. How about I keep this door unlocked now?”
“Awesome!” Lincoln replied.
Later that night, as Dr. Stein slept, Lincoln crept into his room, armed with a shotgun.
“Dr. Stein, you’ve done a horrible thing. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of people are dead because of you. You even brought back Hitler! What were you thinking man?”
Dr. Stein, sleeping soundly, heard none of Lincoln’s speech. But he felt the bullet as it entered his head. The last sensation Dr. Frank N Stein ever felt.
For more stories like Monsters of History:
Be sure to look at my past October Scary Stories including The Earworm of Doom, The Curse of the Purple T-Rex, Larry the Happy, Homicidal Squirrel, American (voting) Horror Story, and more! Also, be sure to check out FictionalPDX.com for other stories of mine, as well as my music blog, AudioPerfecta.com.
Thanks for reading, and Happy Halloween!