Music snobbery and nostalgia just doesn’t mix well. I’ll find myself listening to the most horrid songs (Usually CCM) just because I liked said song in 1991. Still, my always analytical brain is pointing and laughing at the forced rhythms, the cookie cutter harmonies, the forced lyrics, and even the names of the bands. I realize once a band chooses a name, they usually stuck with it for the duration. A band name is usually just as permanent as a tattoo. Even more reason to be very careful when you name your band. Like I said – I listened to a bunch of Christian music in the 80s and 90s, and some of their names are either unfortunate, embarrassing, or a combination of the two. So….let’s look at a few!
1) BloodGood – Let me get this out in the open – I still listen to BloodGood, and not only when I just want a bit of a cheesy 90s Christian Metal. BloodGood actually does rock, even by today’s standards. Having said that, BloodGood sounds more like a really bad Bond villain than a band name. To be fair, the band was named for group founder Michael BloodGood. Still, whenever I hear the name, I think of a conference room full of super villains. Dr Evil is at the podium, looking over at a table of his esteemed colleagues. He asks: “and what do you think we should do, Mr BloodGood?” Mr BloodGood responds by chanting manically: “KILL! KILL! KILL! BLOOD GOOD! BLOOD GOOD! “ This fictitious villain isn’t even an A list villain – more like a trained evil monkey. He’s not Bane from The Dark Knight Rises, he’s Bane from Batman Forever!
Maybe I’m being a little harsh – as not everyone has the active imagination that I have, but I have to wonder if Micheal Bloodgood even thought about the fact that his last name, while perhaps relevant to Christendom (Blood [of Jesus] Good), might just make him sound like a joke to the non-Christian audience I know he so desired.
2) Dboy – I never listened to Dboy, mainly because I just couldn’t get over the name. D-Boy. I heard my internal Saturday Night Live commentary saying “da Bulls. Da Bears. Da Boy.” There’s also the question of “What does D stand for” Dial-up? Donut hole? Dumbledore? Turns out it stood for Danny (his first name) – so he basically picked an Irish Funeral dirge for a moniker. Eh, I guess it fits for him – he was a Hip Hop artist who wanted to reach inner city youth. Oh, but I haven’t gotten to the unfortunate part – the poor guy was murdered – shot to death. According to his mother: “They say it was everything from mistaken identity to a robbery attempt, but nobody really knows.”
I have no idea if his moniker was an intentional play on words – if he really meant to reference the song “Danny Boy,” but regardless, the song caught up with Dboy. He was shot down way before his time. I don’t know anything more unfortunate than that.
3. DC Talk – The name “DC Talk” sounds like a political talk show, and not (as they put it) “two honks and a negro.” (Their phrase – not mine). Seriously, the name DC Talk brings the image of five grumpy, old men in suits on a Sunday morning talk show. They’re arguing about the deficit or foreign policy or something – I don’t know, I just changed the channel to Spongebob Squarepants because I was so bored.
Ok, ok, maybe you’re saying they picked that name because they’re from DC – well, you’re WRONG! Ok, you’re not wrong about their origin, but the DC actually stands for “Decent Christian.” Seriously, that is the lamest name ever. Decent Christian Talk. I’ve often times said that “Toby Mac” as he calls himself is the Vanilla Ice of the Christian world – and I got to say, this name just doesn’t help matters there…
4) Stryken – Wait, is that a typo? You meant Stryper, right? Nope! Stryken (originally named Stryker) was a totally different band. Ok, there’s much debate that Stryken was a clone of Stryper, but this article is about unfortunate band names. At the end of the day it could logically be said that Stryken gets their original name from members Dale and Steve Strieker and spelled their name a phonetically. Going on this story, and ignoring the fact that they copied everything else Stryper did, my gosh –that really is unfortunate! I can imagine them sitting in their garage: Hey Dale, let’s form a band. Ok Steve. What should we call it? Well, we have a cool last name. Yeah, let’s just change the spelling a little. Oops! Stryper’s gonna sue us! Yeah, let’s just pretend that’s what happened. I do have to say, I did enjoy the Song “Rock on,” a lot more than “To Hell with the Devil.” Maybe Stryper copied Stryken! I should point out the latter started three years before the former. Maybe the unfortunate part is that Stryken was less popular than Stryper.
5) WhiteCross – My senior year of high school I was walking to the library with a friend. We both had our headphones on, and she asked what I was listening to. I said WhiteCross. This girl did not know anything about Christian music, and was politically opposite to my conservative Christian worldview of the time. So naturally her response was “WhiteCross?” That sounds like they’re a bunch of white supremacists! She painted a picture of burning crosses and men in hoods. Ever since that day, I’ve not thought about the band the same way again. To be fair – there’s no indications that they’re racist. A lot of their songs were about inclusion of all people, and their song “Holy War” even featured an African American Christian Rapper. There is every reason to believe they chose WhiteCross because of the religious symbolism of the words “White” and “Cross,” and I have found no evidence that they’re racist. But that’s what makes their name unfortunate! The very fact that my friend went strait to the race card by just the suggestion of the band name makes me wonder if maybe, just maybe, they hadn’t thought things through. Or maybe I’m judging this band’s name by anecdotal evidence.
6) PID – Yes – there was a band called PID. Supposedly, PID stood for “Preachers in Disguise,” but I’ve got to wonder how much friggin research they did before naming their band. What, was there already a band named AIDS or Herpes or the Clap? What’s worst is they never really came out and said “it stands for Preachers in Disguise, not Pelvic Inflammatory Disease.” They liked to rap about Bible Stories and Christian morals, so maybe they wanted to discourage any groupies from making advances. Maybe they wanted to avoid lustful temptation and thought naming themselves after an STD would keep the girls away.
PID did finally change their name to “Preachas,” at about the time the Presidents of The United States were singing “I’m moving to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches,” but that’s probably just a coincidence – then again, maybe they’re diabolical geniuses naming themselves after STDs and catchy novelty songs! Maybe that’s why they’re in disguise! Seriously though, this is the most unfortunate name of any band I’ve ever known.
And what about the people in their lives – did they not come up to them and say “uhhhh – your proposed name is the name of an STD,”? And if someone did say that, were they so arrogant as to say “no one is going to go there!” Or was it naivity? Regardless – worst. Name. ever.