• Category Archives Comics and Graphic Novels
  • Buffy vs Twilight in Buffy Season 8

    ©Jinx, Inc. Used without permission. Please don't sue me, Jinx! I love your t-shirts!!!!I’ll be honest: I cannot stand sparkly vampires. I have even considered buying a T-shirt depicting Buffy dusting Edward. I have even contemplated writing fan fiction along the same lines. But why should I write fan fiction, when Buffy goes toe to toe with the Twilight Vamps canonically? In the Buffy the Vampire: Season 8 graphic novels, we find an interesting subtext involving the evils of even the nicest and incompetent vampires. This evil, is not just limited to the Buffyverse: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 shows that even the sparkly vamps of the twilight universe are evil creatures, and should probably be disposed of, lest they win the hearts of the innocents.

    Let’s begin with issue 21: “Harmonic Divergence.” Harmony, the ditsy cheerleader turned Vampire Princess, is spotted in California drinking blood from the neck of an unnamed celebrity. Through a course of events, she gets her own reality show on MTV, and a worldwide interest in, and love for, vampires emerges. But Harmony as evil as ever, even more so. Not only does she heartlessly kills a slayer on live television, she also endorses a line of what is later revealed to be demon controlled toy vampires! Of course, after an attack by a would be slayer (who is slaughtered mercilessly), and after Buffy’s gang destroys the toys, Harmony plays the victim, and of course, the public fall for this. Hmmm, Vampires gaining immense popularity, to the point of immense fandom and said fans claiming said vampires are not evil. Quite an interesting resemblance to the fans of Twilight, as well as the other sparkly Vamps that have emerged because of the immense Twilight Vamps. Harmony appears nice enough, she’s not out to kill anyone – at least not publicly. But when the doors are closed, she’s just as bloodthirsty, heartless, and evil as ever. And perhaps, so are the Twilight Vamps. Perhaps.

    Or perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions. Perhaps the similarity of Harmony’s popularity and Twilight’s popularity is simply just a coincidence and not an allegory showing that all Vampires are evil creatures  (even though issue 21 came out a mere two months after the release of the first Twilight movies). Well, even if this IS a coincidence, there are other damning factors against Twilight in season 8. For one thing, the Big Bad of season 8 is named, (ahem) TWILIGHT! Yes, how coincidental is that? How is it that the head evil creature is actually named Twilight? There’s no denying the fact that Season 8 shows the evils of the Twilight, when the main villain is actually named TWILIGHT!!! That’s would be like if CS Lewis had named Aslan “Jesus.” That would be like if George Orwell had called the pigs in Animal Farm “Communists.” That would be like if Herman Melville named the Whale – well whatever the heck the whale means, that one’s still up for debate. But my point is simple: Word association is a powerful tool. Its pretty unimaginable that Joss Whedon would happen to overlook the fact that his main villain in season 8 just happens to share the name of a series of books and movies which depicts good and caring vampires. When the name is different, any similarities, however blaring they might be, could be dismissed as merely coincidence. The very fact that the main villain is named “Twilight,” is a big blaring sign saying “HEY! LOOK! TWILIGHT! WE REALLY MEAN TWILIGHT!!!!”

    Oh, but wait! What about Angel? What about Spike? They’re both Vampires and they’re both good!Or are they? If I remember correctly, Spike only became “good” because he had a chip implanted in his head causing him not to kill humans. Despite anything he did after that, if it had not been for that chip, Spike would have gone on killing anyone and everyone he felt the urge to kill. Spike was pretty much tamed like a circus animal – take out his metaphorical teeth and he’s harmless. Ok, ok, Spike is evil, but what about Angel? Well, Angel just happens to be the best piece of evidence to my thesis. Angel was probably one of the most evil Vampires in the Buffyverse before his, for lack of a better word, anti-curse. And after he slept with Buffy, he lost his soul and became evil once more. Angel is no (ahem) Angel; he’s a demon who is only good because people were so sick of his terror, that they decided to put a spell on him. But never mind that. an interesting fact was revealed about Angel recently. The writers of Buffy Season 8 has revealed that Angel, who has not previously been portrayed in season 8, has been in the background of Season 8 this entire time. Angel has been wearing a mask—the same mask that Twilight wears. Angel is Twilight! The kindest, most gentle, and dare I say Edward-like vampire in the Buffyverse turns out to be the Big Bad that’s trying to kill Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies! Case closed! Never mind the neon sign, we now have a blaring horn bleating out that even the sparkliest of vampires is evil and vile and will kill you if you give it a chance. And yes,I said  it! They are not people! They are evil THINGS that need to be disposed of properly and by all means necessary.

    Oh the path we weave when we decide evil is good, and good is evil. Oh the twisted, sick perversions, oh the death and destruction – but I digress. In all seriousness, I really don’t believe Vampires exist, despite my enthusiasm in this article. Vampires are a great literary device to describe all that is evil and dark in this world. A little Vlad the Impaler, a little Black Plague, a little dark magic, and voila! Dracula – one of the most formidable literary villains of all time – is born. But even Dracula has his good side, right? He helped Buffy and the Scoobies in Tokyo, right? Well, yes….but only because that served his best interest. Mark my words, in any other circumstance, Dracula meeting Buffy would have meant a reenactment of Season 5’s first episode – only this time the end might depict a role reversal – IE Dracula standing over Buffy’s grave. Every vamp is something to be weary of. Like I said, I don’t believe in vampires – but if I ever meet one – I’m running the other way as fast as I possibly can. And you should as well. Now. Don’t stop. Just freaking run already!

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  • Oh dear, the Hulk’s mad! What do we do?

    The Hulk is unstoppable. When he gets mad, he goes on a rampage. He’s destroyed Las Vegas, conquered a foreign planet, and brought an invading fleet of aliens to destroy Earth – all because someone ticked him off. And trying to stop him? Well, good luck with that! But there are a few people who might be able to stop him. So who are these brave candidates? Who can send the Hulk away with his tale between his legs? Who is our only hope if the Hulk decides to go nuclear once more?

    Let’s start with Mr Rogers. Yes, yes I said Mr freaking Rogers of the kids TV show. No, its not his arsenal of nuclear sweaters that will make the Hulk run home to his mommy. Mr Rogers can possibly beat the Hulk because of one main consideration: Mr Rogers defeated everyone in Lemon Demon’s “The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.” But wait, the Hulk wasn’t in that! No, true, the Hulk was not in that specific song, but Doc Octopus from the Marvel Universe was, therefore it is indeed possible that the entire Marvel Universe was involved. Still, its possible the entire Marvel Universe was not involved. If that’s the case, well sorry Mr Rogers, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to wear a sweater again.

    Our next candidate is Black Canary from the DC Universe. For clarification sake, I am talking about Dinah Laurel Lance, not Dinah Drake. The reason that it is possible for Black Canary to best the Hulk is because of her Sonic Cry. Said cry can pretty much knock anyone down, and she has the Martial Arts skills to beat the Hulk up while he’s down. Still, there’s no guarantee that her cry could indeed knock the Hulk down, so if she were to try, well, the Hulk might just have roasted Canary for dinner.

    A third, and probably most likely candidate to best the Hulk is Superman. Ah yes, the man of steel. Nothing short of Kryptonite itself can keep Superman down. In fact, Superman DID beat the Hulk. Yes, in DC vs Marvel, Superman beat the Hulk! Still, there is the fact that the Hulk had no real motivation for beating Superman. The Hulk was not mad at Superman. The Hulk was matched against Superman by the two squabbling brothers. If Superman had, say, launched the Hulk into outer space, THEN the battle of Superman vs The Hulk might just have gone another way! Yes, if that were the situation, the best that Superman could hope to achieve is a stalemate. All of Earth destroyed, while the two indestructibles battle it out with each other. And that would be too much for Superman’s conscious, so Superman, in order to save the rest of the Earth, would indeed concede to the Hulk.

    So how about someone from the Marvel Universe itself? There’s the Scarlett Witch, who has the ability to change reality. Certainly someone who almost wipes out the entire Mutant race because of a nervous breakdown could take down one measly, over-radiated man. Or what about Domino? She’s got the mutant power to manipulate chance into her favor. She could probably (see?) manipulate the situation to her favor and defeat the Hulk. Ok, let’s stop right there. Both these characters are in the Marvel Universe along with the Hulk. If there was indeed a chance that either character were to beat the Hulk, I think they would have already done it! Instead, they both sit around, powerless, when the Hulk goes on a murderous rampage and threatens to destroy the Earth. Instead, the only way the Hulk can be defeated is for Tony Stark to calmly tell the Hulk the truth while trying not to wet himself as the Hulk ponders whether or not to rip Tony’s head off.

    Ok, so who can beat the Hulk then? Anyone? Well, yes. The winner is: THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!!! Specifically Bubbles. Yes, of all the superheroes in all the universe, she is our only hope. Why? The Hulk is powered by his anger. His strength grows as his rage grows. What’s going to make the Hulk mad? Well, someone trying to pound the snot out of him for one thing. But that’s not the direction Bubbles would take. Bubbles would give the Hulk flowers and sing pretty songs to him. Maybe make a cup of hot tea and set him down and give him a hug. Yes, the Hulk could not stand against Bubbles, because by the time Bubbles was through with the Hulk, he would be Bruce Banner once more. And she’s tough too, so she could take being tossed across the room a few times while she’s trying to calm him down.

    So lesson learned! If there’s a rift in the time-space contium and the Hulk pops out of universe 616, all we have to do is figure out what universe The Powerpuff Girls live in, and volia! Bubbles to the rescue! Of course, what if we can’t find Bubbles in time? My best advice is hide in a cave in the middle of nowhere. Cause the Hulk is mad, and he’s going to mess us all up!

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  • The Dark Night Joker…

    With all due respect to the late Heath ledger, I was not all that impressed with the Joker in “The Dark Night.” Why? Well, let me say this…why so serious Joker?
    Ok, let’s look at the Joker in TDK. He was real. He was very real. He could be the escape convict that lives down the street. So, why is this a bad timing? I mean, isn’t the Joker supposed to be real? The answer is simple: Yes and No. The Joker is supposed to be very real, yet surreal at the same time. While the Joker in TDK did a great job of the former, they forgot the latter. To be honest, if they could somehow mesh the Joker from Batman: The Animated Series with the Joker from TDK, then perhaps we would have a great Joker.
    Oh, but this Batman franchise is supposed to be based on the late 80’s batman! The one that shot Barbara Gordon in the spine (not even knowing she’s batgirl) just to drive Commissioner Gordon Crazy! Well, yes, but there’s two major flaws there. One, what is up with the scars firstly. It was clearly stated in The Killing Joke that The Joker fell into a vat of chemicals, and that is why he looks the way he does. This joker is not discolored, he uses clown make up and he has those scars which the Joker in the late 80’s did not have. Furthermore, can you possibly see this Joker as the UN ambassador for Iran?

    Maybe they’ll get it right next time. Then again, at least it wasn’t that Ronald McDonald wannabe from the live action series in the 1960s.

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  • Iron Man must die!

    Iron man must die! Or at least be thrown into the depths of the Universe – fitting punishment considering that’s exactly what he did to The Hulk. Serioulsy though! I am mad at the execs, writers, editors, and everyone else at Marvel Comics. Granted, I have yet to read World War Hulk, so I’m only dealing with the aftermath of Civil War, but to praise outright facism! I’m sorry, this is just plain WRONG! I suspect there’s a method to their madness, but that method might be make Iron Man one of the major heros because the Iron man movie just happens to be coming out in what, six months? Hmmm, Sell more Iron man books to movie goers, and sell more movie tickets to Marvel readers? Maybe. Or maybe the problem is as simple as what Comic book guy (from the Simpson’s suggested: “I have the Feeling Stan Lee’s Mind is not in mint condition.”
    Seriously: I’m hoping Tony Stark gets what’s coming to him, I hope the Ghost of Captain America haunts Tony’s dreams….since we all know the assassination was really S.H.I.E.L.D.’s doing. And maybe while we’re at it, Nick Furry will come out of hiding, and with the aid of Spiderman (who was hoodwinked, and later rebelled against Iron Man), throws him to the Shi’ar or something!

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